“When you fight something, you’re tied to it forever. As long as you’re fighting it, you are giving it power. You give it as much power as you are using to fight it.”
— Anthony De Mello S.J. from Awareness
I was staring at this quote in Anthony De Mello’s book last night for a long time while at the same time I was fighting those thoughts in my head. Addicts know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard it called the running monologue or “The Committee.” I’ve heard psychiatrists describe it to me as “Intrusive Thoughts Syndrome” or “Pure OCD.”
It’s our disease talking.
Having heard enough fellows in recovery describe this, I know many of us, if not all of us, have it. I went to a meeting this morning and heard again someone describe this voice in their head and I thought to myself “Why am I still fighting this?” I spend most of my day fighting a voice in my head that tells me how bad things are going to be and how bad I am. As explained in the quote above, I am the one giving the disease its power.
So I choose today to surrender or as my sponsor once said to me, “Put the gloves down.”